The Sweet Little Old Lady and the Banker

A little old lady went into the largest bank in the country one day carrying a large bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right)! The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit to which she replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money? "The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets?? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square, "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady than said, "Okay, but since there is a lot
of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. ? He thoroughly checked them out
until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. ? She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet? "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.

The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she
could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today, I'd have the Bank of America's president's balls in my
hand."

The Sweet Little Old Lady and the Grocery Clerk

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten."

The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store.

One Cat

They sold her the cat food.

The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies-one for each day of Christmas.

The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food.

Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her dog.


One Doggie

 

She was then given the dog cookies.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid.

The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.

The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there."

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her.

So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out. She told the little old lady, "That smells like crap."

The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, "Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of toilet paper?"

 

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